My mind is filled with so many thoughts right now, it is hard to even put them into words. My summer in Kenya awakened my soul; knocked my unconscious spirit back to life. It created a fire inside me that burns bigger and brighter for my God each day. I gasp at His presence. I marvel at His ways. He is high and lifted up.
And now I find myself constantly thinking: thinking about the heaven on earth that Jesus prayed for; thinking about what God had created our world to be and what it has become; thinking about those who have not yet experienced his peace, his grace. I was reading in Romans chapter one this morning where it says in verses 21-23, 25,28-30, "For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles...They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen...Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless."
And I just cried. I read this and the tears immediately flowed. And this is no where near the first time I had read this passage, but it is the first time I responded in this way. When I think about God-his love, his mercy, his grace, his good intentions for us- I can not help but mourn over the way things have become. How is it that we could know God and fail to glorify him? If we truly knew Him, would we not fall at his feet in complete reverance? And yet, at some point, God has to let us go and give us over to those sinful desires. He has to let us walk away. There is great joy and yet great sorrow in that freedom.
And now I find myself constantly thinking: thinking about the heaven on earth that Jesus prayed for; thinking about what God had created our world to be and what it has become; thinking about those who have not yet experienced his peace, his grace. I was reading in Romans chapter one this morning where it says in verses 21-23, 25,28-30, "For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles...They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen...Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless."
And I just cried. I read this and the tears immediately flowed. And this is no where near the first time I had read this passage, but it is the first time I responded in this way. When I think about God-his love, his mercy, his grace, his good intentions for us- I can not help but mourn over the way things have become. How is it that we could know God and fail to glorify him? If we truly knew Him, would we not fall at his feet in complete reverance? And yet, at some point, God has to let us go and give us over to those sinful desires. He has to let us walk away. There is great joy and yet great sorrow in that freedom.
My mom was telling me yesterday that she had gotten the flu and could not go to work for a week because of it. After showing her doctor's excuses to stay home to her boss, she was still put on the second to last step before termination because her machine (she works for Rubbermaid) was not running while she was gone. He explained to her that her absence from work meant that less product was made and less business was done. When I heard this, I began to boil inside. What has happened? When we become so concerned with business and money than with people, something is seriously wrong.
And so I continue on this quest to love and know God; to find out what makes Him smile, what makes Him cry, what makes Him tick, what breaks His heart. I'm filled with complete joy, yet I'm broken. I'm discouraged, yet hopeful.
My heart longs for something more. God has given me life, passion, desire. It's time to stop talking and start living; to lose myself in Christ; to become so much like Him you can't tell who's who. It's time to stop complaining, and become the change I want to see. Because if people really knew, if they really encountered the Living God, they would NEVER be the same.
Break free from society. Break free from the ordinary. Break free, and let God reign. Break free and LIVE.
1 comment:
Wow Erin. Even though we have not officially met I see the journey you and Bethany are on and I realize that my own life is not immersed in Christ as it should be. You are a blessing. May God use you and your writing and Juja Java even now. Mama Z.
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